2023, oh what a year! This year was my learning year because something was always happening to me. I had to accept a lot of challenges and become a different person because of the cards I was dealt. For you to understand my point of view, the beginning of the year is from January to April, the middle of the year is from May to August, and the end of the year is from September to December.
Beginning of The Year
At the beginning of the year, everything was going well. I actually thought that this would be my year and I would be happy. On January 6th, I got my driver’s license and that was a big accomplishment for me. 4 days later I drove into my brother’s truck at school, with leaving a big dent. That wasn’t my brightest moment in life but it was a very funny memory to look back on. I was mentally doing well as well as getting good grades and excelling at my job. In March, I decided to lower the dosage on my depression and anxiety medication because I felt I was ready. This was a big step for me because I have been on this medication since 2016. I was excited to see my improvements from lowering the dosage. During Spring Break, I went on a roadtrip to Kansas to visit Kansas State University. My brother drove there on the bus with his team and my cousin, my brother’s girlfriend at the time and I drove in my cousin’s truck. My cousin drove from Brighton, Colorado to Colby, Kansas; then we switched off so he could sleep. I loved driving the truck on the way to Kansas because I love road trips. It was so peaceful with everyone sleeping and it was just me up and listening to music but then the fog came. I ended up driving from Colby, Kansas to Wichita, Kansas then we switched off again. I fell in love with Kansas and on the way back home we brought my brother with us so we had a full car. My cousin drove from Manhattan, Kansas to Colby, Kansas then I drove from Colby, Kansas to Aurora, Colorado.
Middle of The Year
May came along and my grades started dropping and I became very sad. I was still working but I didn’t want to go to work sometimes. I felt myself slipping away but I still tried to focus on school because it was the end of the year for me. I ended my sophomore year with not so good grades but at least it was over. The summer was here so I was excited to relax. I thought I would be happier but I ended up getting more sad then I had an opening. In June, I went to the cemetery by myself for the first time in years. I was consumed with my job and never had time to hang out with my friends. I was making a lot of money so I was okay with it. In July, football season started and I was beyond excited but something was holding me back. I went back to the cemetery to say my last goodbye to my mom. I was able to let her go and accept that she is gone which has helped me. I thought letting go of my mom would bring back my happiness but I was still sad. Junior year started in August and I knew something had to change in my life because I wasn’t happy.
End of The Year
The end of the year was here and I was a mess. I realized that I wasn’t getting better, so I went back on the full dosage of my medication, but that didn’t really change anything. Football was making me happy but everything else made me sad so I decided to take the next step. October came and I decided to quit my dream job because I was too stressed and couldn’t take it anymore. I automatically felt the weight lift off my shoulders. I turned 17 when I got my second tattoo as a birthday gift. I was happy but also sad at the same time. My car broke down which caused a lot of problems for me and that was my breaking point. I have spent all my money so I was broke with no car which made me feel helpless. I cried a lot from October to November which is weird because I never cry. Now that the holidays are here I feel better, but there is still something that is bugging me.
This year was a learning experience for me. I made multiple mistakes, learned many lessons, and faced a lot of challenges. I never thought that life could be this hard as a teenager, but I think it was God teaching me a lesson. The lessons I have learned this year were that I need to love myself before I love anyone else, if I force something then it won’t work out, not everything works out in the way I want. You are put into someone’s life either as a lesson or a blessing because even if you are their blessing they might just be your lesson, stop letting people use me because it’s only going to hurt me in the end. You can’t always blame someone or something because sometimes it’s just how it is. But the biggest lesson I learned was that everything happens for a reason so don’t question God because you won’t get an answer. These things are meant to happen because that is part of your purpose on this Earth. My advice for anyone who is struggling is just know that only you can control how you feel so don’t let anyone determine how you feel. I am thankful for experiencing this year though, it was a part of me growing up.
Happy Holidays and Happy New Year!
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