Dear Bonnie,

Halloween is right around the corner; it is one of my favorite holidays. It’s my last year to Trick-or-Treat as a “kid,” and I was having trouble deciding on what I wanted to be. I came to the realization the other day that I spend a lot of my time pretending to be someone I’m not. I guess, for this Halloween and the days to follow, I really just want to be myself. How would I go about being authentically me? Would people see me differently if I stopped acting like somebody I’m not?

-Clyde

Dear Clyde,

That’s a great question, and something that a lot of people struggle with in this day and age. It’s also a question, though, that isn’t the easiest to answer. To best go about it, I think we should look further into the idea of being human.

What makes us us? The concept of personality isn’t easy, and it’s always shifting- especially if, like so many others, we begin to act like someone we’re not. It can be hard to slip out of this role, or even to find who we are in the first place. This idea, though, is your identity; it shapes how you act, how you react, and how you will act in the future.

There is one thing that defines all of your identity: your morals. As your beliefs change, so does the way you carry yourself; out of this, comes the person you define yourself as. So, the best way to be yourself is simply to do just that- be. Find what you feel passionate about, find the person you want to be, find what makes you happy. From that, you will become the truest you there is- and believe me, there is nothing more beautiful than authenticity.

I can’t lie to you and say that nobody will notice. People will, and quite honestly, there is a potential for them to treat you differently. However, it is your sincere friends who will love the person you are rather than the person they want you to be. It might hurt to lose the others, but there will always be at least one other person in the world who gets you. Quality over quantity, right? You’ll find your people, and you’ll find yourself happier than ever before when you do.

So I guess the answer is to just be yourself. Don’t say or not say something because you’re afraid of the consequence. Say it anyway, and find the people who love you for it. Don’t behave or not behave a certain way because you don’t want people to think you’re weird. Do it anyway, and make your own definition of ‘cool’. Don’t second guess your confidence in yourself because other people are doing the same. Try it anyway, and you’ll find that you can reach heights higher than anyone could have imagined.

I wish you the best of luck in your search for the real you. Just know that you’re not alone in this battle- all teenagers, especially in such a stormy part of life, will feel the same way at some point. You’ll get through this because you’re strong, and the closest of your friends will be there to lean on. Until next time.

  -Bonnie