A few weeks ago was my friend’s birthday, and as a present, I made them some of my finest Unsimply Lemonade. In response, they said, “Wow, how- how did you?”. So that got me thinking: I can’t just keep the secrets of Unsimply Lemonade to myself, I have to share it with the world! Or, at least share it with the twelve people who look at this God-Forsaken website. Down below are all the steps needed to create my infamous Unsimply Lemonade.

Step 1) Acquire access to EEBY DEEBY

EEBY DEEBY (also called EBDB) is a type of hellish purgatory that acts as a supermarket. Inside EEBY DEEBY you can find an array of products, such as Gender Fluid (used as a cleaning supplement or beverage alternative) and Your Fathers Love!™ (often out of stock). While these products are interesting, to say the least, don’t let them captivate you! We’re looking for their “Leyemons”, a type of substitute for our boring, natural and worldly lemons. There are two ways to obtain access to EEBY DEEBY; you can either be transported into the shop at random (the chances of that happening are 0.00019%) or find the elevator to EEBY DEEBY (Shown left is a found image of the elevator interior). Finding the elevator can be tough, but a trick I used was going into the woods of D̵o̶l̴o̶r̵ ̶e̶t̴ ̴C̷I̶T̵R̴E̵A̴ and walking through the North-South bog. By doing so, you get access to the EEBY DEEBY Elevator, and are now able to get your supplies.

Step 2) Get That Stuff

As you are now granted access to the wonderful supermarket EEBY DEEBY, you now need to acquire your things. As mentioned before, we need the Leyemons, but we also need four other ingredients: The Blue Solo Cups of Sagoth, Impure Cane Sugar,  Slightly-Cold Inasad Water, and one of their products known as Ice Ice Infant (An ice substitute- shown left is ). Grab your shopping cart and run into the store, because the second you put a foot down in that Supermarket the store attendants will try to drag you into the fiery pits of the Underworld. The store employees are creatures of pure pain and suffering, forged in the hellscape that is retail. If they catch you, I can guarantee that you will wish that you never even laid eyes on EEBY DEEBY. As you’re running through the supermarket, just grab those products and those products only. I wasn’t joking about the other products wanting to captivate you. The items I have outlined in this paragraph are one of the only safe-ish products that won’t help the store employees maime and/or kill you. Now, you should be wondering, “What aisles are these products in?”. I don’t think I’m gonna tell you that, mainly because only the strong can have this Lemonade.

Step 3) Checkout.

So you’ve now made it through the supermarket with your four other-worldly products. Now you’ve got to run to the checkout lanes, located at the front of the store before the employees can catch you. At this point they’ve picked up enough speed to be right beside you, but not close enough to be able to grab you. Do not look back. If you make it to the checkout, you’ll notice that once you get into the lane that the employees have stopped chasing you, and are instead standing just outside of the lane. Put your items onto the weird conveyor belt thing in the following order: Ice Ice Infant, Slightly-Cold Inasad Water, The Blue Solo Cups of Sagoth, Impure Cane Sugar, and lastly the Leyemons. It is extremely important that you put them on in this way; if you don’t, the store attendants will stop standing vigil, and instead tear off your skin. If you put them on in this way, however, nothing will happen but the store cashier silently judging your purchases. Be sure to get the receipt when finished paying, as it acts as your ticket out of the store (allowing for none of the store employees to try and tear you limb from limb).

Step 4) Get Home.

If you kept your receipt, you should be able to make it out of the store without any issue. Put your cart in its place (dubbed as “KART KORAL”) and make your way back to the elevator out of there. When you get into the elevator, push the numbers 9-4-7-2, this should allow you to appear back in your kitchen with the goods you have collected.

Step 5) Create the Unsimply Lemonade.

You’ve finally made it to the final step: Creating The Lemonade. First, you’re gonna want to bring out a large beverage holder (not the Blue Solo Cups of Sagoth, those will be used later), and make sure it has the capacity to handle Unsimply Lemonade. In that beverage holder, put in about a cup of Impure Cane Sugar (you can use more or less depending on your preferences). Then you need to cut open the Leyemons- be careful not to get any Leyemon juice on any cuts, the juice will seep in and cause paralysis of the heart. Don’t listen to any of the screams or tears coming from the Leyemons- they don’t deserve your mercy. Then, juice the Leyemons, and once you have about 2 cups of Leyemon juice, pour that into the pitcher with the sugar, and mix until the sugar is dissolved. Then you can add in the Slightly Cold Inasad Water, and stir to combine. Most recipes use salt in Lemonade, but the Inasad should have enough salt in it to offset the difference. Lastly, pour in a bag of Ice Ice Baby, and pop that drink into the fridge to chill for at least an hour (if made during the Spring Solstice, you can forgo that instruction). Pour into the Blue Solo Cups of Sagoth and garnish with mint.

Step 6) Serve.

Your hard work has finally paid off! You now have your own cup of fresh Unsimply Lemonade! Please note that you don’t want to always drink the “lemonade”, as it has some products inside it that are not safe for mortal consumption. 

*Note: If consuming Leyemons by themselves one can experience Nirvana, but be teleported back into the Supermarket. Consume at your own risk.

Fresh Squeezed Lemonade